I feel like with telling people certain honest things about yourself, once it’s out there there’s no turning back. I get queasy when I address the truth cause that makes it real and something I have to deal with. I’m glad I have people around me who are at least in some way supportive. I still wish I could take back everything I had said in the past and go forward on my own terms. It’s not fair and I realize this happens in such a worse way with so many more people. I feel lucky that it wasn’t that serious and it hasn’t bled it’s way back to a place I really dread for it to go. I’m not at all ready for that and I feel like the only time I will be is when it is true and present in reality and I have no choice but to actively confront it. I truly fear that day right now. It’s a half and half situation at this point, and I only think one will understand and not judge. For two years I’ve been fighting the way such a volatile society has bred me, and now I have to fight more than one battle in the way that I think. I need to learn and believe that 1. I’m fine, 2. this can be shared, 3. nothing changes or should change after all is said.