As I amble through another day without sleep, I can’t help thinking about how happy I am. I have never before been so happy to see the people in my life, so talk to the people I talk to, to be crazy with the people I’m comfortable around. This is a distorted reflection in the mirror to who I was a year ago this time, two years ago this time, three years ago this time. I’ve gotten to a point when I’m past all the horrible scarring things and I’m healing. It’s all contained within me. I can think back to the people who have walked in and walked out of my life and not be choked and melt. I can dedicate myself to things I care about without wide eyes and shaking teeth. I can stay in one place for so much longer with out becoming restless of leg and impatient of heart. I have no need for the change that fed me. I can be myself in a way the has petrified me in the past. I think that I have found the right recipe of people to surround myself with so that I can grow to unspeakable heights. I can be beyond what I have ever imagined and be fine with that and not feel bad and be willing to share and be given and take and most of all to care. I can imagine going where I want to. I can feel like I’m not a burden. I can flush the worry down the toilet and deal with the fast heartbeats in my own way. I can begin to move away from my normal emotion that has governed me for so long: apathy. I spent so much time in the middle; in the grey, that I never knew what I wanted and I never even tried. I’m still working on being who I need to be and doing the things I absolutely need to do. And with a fear it will be too late to change, I still try. It’s an insane effort, but it has to be done. I have my bad days. I have days I go back 10 steps and want to harm myself like I used to. But I have more days I can be proud of than shameful ones so I’m proud. And most of all I’m happy.

Submitted by:  http://morningsides.tumblr.com/